Today, I took some time to look through my photo album, and it gave me a little bit of a shock. I suddenly recognized: “Oh my gosh! I can’t believe my life has been this wonderful!”
Hello everyone! I’m a person who has Bipolar Disorder, Depression, and Borderline Personality Disorder for quite a long time. I have committed suicide four times. All failed. I also hurt myself numerous times, which left scars all over my body. I haven’t gone to any specialists for help due to several factors. The first reason comes from my family, who has never believed that I am suffering from mental health problems. Besides, I have a younger sister who has Seizure Disorder, Intellectual Disorder, and Developmental Disorders. Thus, my mother is afraid of the thought that both of her children have mental problems. This thinking will make her feel sad, embarrassed, and possibly, lose her living purposes. Therefore, I have been trying to hold in, pretending to live normal as someone who has no particular problems at all. However, this issue becomes more challenging day by day. I realized my mental health problems are growing. Under the pressure of family and society, I broke down over and over again. The second reason is money. I believe that treatments are costly for someone who has spent years with mental problems like I. Because of that, I am reluctant to find any specialists for help.
However, I have never given up and firmly continued to move forward times by times. I can’t exactly find help, but I still can and want to help myself. Perhaps it’s because I’m too persevered to live in the moments to the fullest so that the spiritual realm wouldn’t let me cut my life short. I have lived for 24 years. When I looked at my photo album earlier today, I suddenly asked myself: “Do you feel that it’s worth it to keep on trying for so many years?” Then I immediately had my response, without any hesitations, “Worth it! “
What am I genuinely trying to say?!
I’m trying to deliver a message in which I know life can be full of pressure. I know many people have to suffer from mental health issues. I also know that there will be times when you feel desperate or think that you no longer want to give it a try.
In those times, please remember:
- Your feelings are valid. We are not analyzing if the situation or your reaction is right or wrong. But your feelings are precious to be noticed. Don’t deny yourself and your feelings.
- In these times, don’t think too far into the future. Don’t think that “My life is over!”; think that “I will live the best I can with all I have in front of me.” It could be that you decide to work on something until it’s done, until the very end of it. It could also be that you choose to make a complete stop on something, your job, your relationship, anything. It’s your situation, your mental health. You know what’s best for you.
- Learn to collect beautiful and precious moments. When you do this, don’t think that “This one is not good enough, not happy enough, not pretty enough, not whatever enough.” As long as it brings you good feelings, even just a little bit for a brief while, collect them all. Life is a string of wonderful little things knotted together. Don’t be afraid of the feelings and the memories. One day everything will pass by, everything will be alright; when you will look back at your collection, you will see how wonderful your life has been.
- Learn to share; all the happiness, sadness, disappointment, and hope. Neither should you put everything out in a messy way nor keep everything inside your heart. Learning the right amount to share is difficult, but it’s okay. Life is to experience. All you need to do is try your best and do your best. That’s good enough.
- If it’s possible, please seek help from a specialist. Don’t be like me who tries to endure alone and keeps pushing myself forward. You can see that my situation is particular. I have no other choice than to keep fighting on my own. But you, you need to treat yourself right. It is highly essential for you to treat yourself well.
- Learn to love yourself. Why did I intentionally put this one further down the list here? In my opinion, people who have mental health issues like me are easy to feel like we are not good enough, or we are annoying, or we are not worthy. Therefore, even if anyone tells us “Love Yourself” a thousand times, it won’t get into our heads, or we won’t honestly know how to love ourselves. That’s why you need to do at least those five things above first, work on something small, and start to think from the tiniest details in your life. Recognition will be made, “Oh! So this is something that would make me happy! So I honestly can do this! As it turns out, I could do it splendidly! So there are people who do love me for who I am, not for who I’m trying so hard to show”. Everyone’s thoughts of “Love Yourself” are different. As you can see, you need to find your points or your triggers and then start to love yourself.
- Gratefulness is very powerful. Even if it’s just your self-recognition, that works, too. That’s the right thing. You are making so much effort and doing great. It’s perfectly fair to reward yourself with a hug. If there are others that you are grateful for, that’s wonderful. It doesn’t matter who that is as long as that person’s existence can bring out the energy of life in you. In my case, the person who helped me retrieve hopes for life is Mr. Jiong He, a famous Chinese MC in many different TV shows. Also, Korean actor Yeo Jingoo. I don’t need them to know who I am. I only need to know that I’m grateful to breathe the same air with them, even though they are half the globe away. I shall run towards tomorrow with courage. In the future, if I have a chance to say “Thank you” to them in person, it will be the most fantastic moment in my entire life. Otherwise, the best way to honor this gratefulness is to be the best of me and live gloriously. Therefore, be grateful to all the warm-hearted supporters. They could be your friends, your loved ones, your partner, or maybe even a kind stranger that comes to you at the right time, or anyone whom you consider to have a special connection with. They are all significant.
In the end, I want to say that it will all be alright.
You are the best!
You have my support!
I have faith in you!
Above are my thoughts through personal experiences. I hope it can help and assist you through the day and towards a better tomorrow.
Love and appreciate,
Panthea Margarette Bui
Thank you! Welcome anytime!
The KnotWork Force
